For everyone who doesn't want to read, but likes pictures... this is a short summary
If you're still interesting, read on
Earlier today it got me thinking...
Can the ability to cope with things be different for people with autism?
I wonder because the last few years I'm stumbling upon a lot of situations that are more "out of hand". Things I could deal with I can't anymore, thus it makes me wonder if my ASD is becoming more severe over time, just because I cannot get a decent "rest" from going past that... well.. breaking point. Or at least... if I'm not past that point, to, at least, take a break from going there.
The last few weeks for example I rarely listen to music anymore... just when I go outside and even then it is to cancel out noises of traffic and such. And as such I cannot deal with the fact if I'm downstairs eating, my parents are watching tv and talking at the same time. Telling them to shut up won't really get my point across either. Yet they don't realize they're living with a time bomb.
Add in the fact that I cannot filter the information in the sense that I don't want to hear or even know this... and it becomes a big deal. I can't turn of my senses, and recently smells, sounds, tastes and at moments even my body annoys the F out of me. If I have an itch, I end up getting agressive up to the point where I have the urge to wreck something and it costs me a lot of effort not to do so. And by wreck I kinda mean turn on the stove and burn the house down... I'm not talking throwing a pen or a cup around the room... I'm talking major emergency, probably with casualties... yet I do have some self-restraint (which was what I wrote about last time) thus I'm likely not doing it... for now.
But seriously, I cannot promise it wont go wrong ever...
The best thing about it is
A. I cannot get help for it because I do not have money to pay those bills. I'm halfway in the process of looking up services for my financial situation and to be honest, I can't be bothered to meet up with different people for different purposes either. I already told my girlfriend to lay low contactwise cause I need to sort this out and can't be bothered over problems she might bring. Yes, I know that is quite egotistical, but to me it's either that or just rid people out of my life completely... which is even less sensible IMO.
B. A therapist I've been to last year actually has this on file. And does nothing.. because "well, hey... you're not a danger now". Yet he wrote that when I was tested for psychopathology I can take a lot... until that certain point... and he's quite sure, if that happens, people will get hurt... badly. I'm probably going supernova by then.
Now, I bring this up, not because I'm at some point in my life where I'm gonna mess everthing/everyone up... but still, I did some selfreflection earlier and it struck me.
I believe that at some point you'd end up on a breaking point and stuff gets harder to the Nth amount to cope with. I just feel that with ASD it might be related to different causes. I mean... if you were in a war, that's a cause that might have people break (that's quite common apparently), but for me I feel that the fact that I'm registering information that I don't care about and just clogs up my thoughts, is way more than I can deal with, especially right now.
So in a way I'm trying really, really, really hard to be selective in what I even perceive and try to maximize fun out of it... which probably is what makes me somewhat of a cynical, observational comedic like person, yet I'm being forced to not be selective and take it all in... and still that graph is climbing. But stilll somewhere around that certain point (or past it) everything goes twice as fast, your brain processes it twice as fast and you're getting annoyed by things twice as fast, which makes the graph climb way faster with more troubling results.
If you're still interesting, read on
Earlier today it got me thinking...
Can the ability to cope with things be different for people with autism?
I wonder because the last few years I'm stumbling upon a lot of situations that are more "out of hand". Things I could deal with I can't anymore, thus it makes me wonder if my ASD is becoming more severe over time, just because I cannot get a decent "rest" from going past that... well.. breaking point. Or at least... if I'm not past that point, to, at least, take a break from going there.
The last few weeks for example I rarely listen to music anymore... just when I go outside and even then it is to cancel out noises of traffic and such. And as such I cannot deal with the fact if I'm downstairs eating, my parents are watching tv and talking at the same time. Telling them to shut up won't really get my point across either. Yet they don't realize they're living with a time bomb.
Add in the fact that I cannot filter the information in the sense that I don't want to hear or even know this... and it becomes a big deal. I can't turn of my senses, and recently smells, sounds, tastes and at moments even my body annoys the F out of me. If I have an itch, I end up getting agressive up to the point where I have the urge to wreck something and it costs me a lot of effort not to do so. And by wreck I kinda mean turn on the stove and burn the house down... I'm not talking throwing a pen or a cup around the room... I'm talking major emergency, probably with casualties... yet I do have some self-restraint (which was what I wrote about last time) thus I'm likely not doing it... for now.
But seriously, I cannot promise it wont go wrong ever...
The best thing about it is
A. I cannot get help for it because I do not have money to pay those bills. I'm halfway in the process of looking up services for my financial situation and to be honest, I can't be bothered to meet up with different people for different purposes either. I already told my girlfriend to lay low contactwise cause I need to sort this out and can't be bothered over problems she might bring. Yes, I know that is quite egotistical, but to me it's either that or just rid people out of my life completely... which is even less sensible IMO.
B. A therapist I've been to last year actually has this on file. And does nothing.. because "well, hey... you're not a danger now". Yet he wrote that when I was tested for psychopathology I can take a lot... until that certain point... and he's quite sure, if that happens, people will get hurt... badly. I'm probably going supernova by then.
Now, I bring this up, not because I'm at some point in my life where I'm gonna mess everthing/everyone up... but still, I did some selfreflection earlier and it struck me.
I believe that at some point you'd end up on a breaking point and stuff gets harder to the Nth amount to cope with. I just feel that with ASD it might be related to different causes. I mean... if you were in a war, that's a cause that might have people break (that's quite common apparently), but for me I feel that the fact that I'm registering information that I don't care about and just clogs up my thoughts, is way more than I can deal with, especially right now.
So in a way I'm trying really, really, really hard to be selective in what I even perceive and try to maximize fun out of it... which probably is what makes me somewhat of a cynical, observational comedic like person, yet I'm being forced to not be selective and take it all in... and still that graph is climbing. But stilll somewhere around that certain point (or past it) everything goes twice as fast, your brain processes it twice as fast and you're getting annoyed by things twice as fast, which makes the graph climb way faster with more troubling results.
