Just need some self-assurance

[Misty Avich]

That place is the worst. The same people who bullied you also bullied me and didn’t want me to have a girlfriend. I want to prove them wrong.

Oh yes, I almost forgot. I want you to prove them wrong too, because I know you're worth so much more than them. *Hugs*

 

[jsilver256]

If one person tells you you're a horse , they are crazy. If three people tell you you're a horse, There's conspiracy afoot. If ten people tell you you're a horse,it's time to buy a saddle.

Ehh, kinda? If you drop a political post on Reddit, it doesn't matter what it is, you're going to anger more than 4 people while doing absolutely nothing wrong.

But it is true that there is a certain type of resistant poster that is like "help, my hand hurts after I punch a wall" and everyone else yells back "you're dumb, just stop punching walls."

How do you tell the difference between both? Autism makes that super difficult, really. All you can is work on strengthening your own confidence in your moral core.

I bet even Hitler got called less names than I have. Maybe I'm the worst person in the world. It's taken me over 30 years to see the terrifying truth. Maybe I should tell my husband to divorce me before I hurt him, because if I'm supposed to be such a toxic person then he's best off without me.

Be very careful with those statements. These are not true, but every time you make one of them, they become a little less not true.

 

[Misty Avich]

Ehh, kinda? If you drop a political post on Reddit, it doesn't matter what it is, you're going to anger more than 4 people while doing absolutely nothing wrong.

Maybe religion and politics is the route of all evil just like money, as it does seem to bring out the worst in people and turns people against each other. That's how wars start.
But I've found that whenever I discussed politics in my time on the internet, it's usually been anxiety-related or has triggered anxiety or has affected my life in some way. Not because I want to stir up arguments or upset people. I wish they would understand that.

Be very careful with those statements. These are not true, but every time you make one of them, they become a little less not true.

I know. I won't really do that, as I'd be foolish if I let my internet life ruin my actual life, and even if I did tell him that he'll probably just frown and say "don't be daft, you're not a bad person at all!" But I'm just worried that I might be a psychopath really and that offline I'm just manipulative and pretentious and that's why I get along with people better but online my psychopathy is coming out or something. Not saying that is happening but I'm scared it might. I don't even know who I am any more. I thought I was nice but maybe not. Although I am going through some old photos right now of my late mother and late grandmother and I'm crying my eyes out from the depths of my heart because I miss them and love them. Would a psychopath do that?

 

[jsilver256]

But I've found that whenever I discussed politics in my time on the internet, it's usually been anxiety-related or has triggered anxiety or has affected my life in some way. Not because I want to stir up arguments or upset people. I wish they would understand that.

A lot of people don't understand that and will never understand that, that is my point. Not just on politics, but on a lot of topics.

What do you do with that information - chase the approval of these people, or hide who you are for fear of angering them?

I know. I won't really do that, as I'd be foolish if I let my internet life ruin my actual life, and even if I did tell him that he'll probably just frown and say "don't be daft, you're not a bad person at all!"

He probably would know best

But I'm just worried that I might be a psychopath really and that offline I'm just manipulative and pretentious and that's why I get along with people better but online my psychopathy is coming out or something. Not saying that is happening but I'm scared it might. I don't even know who I am any more. I thought I was nice but maybe not. Although I am going through some old photos right now of my late mother and late grandmother and I'm crying my eyes out from the depths of my heart because I miss them and love them. Would a psychopath do that?

You've been evaluated multiple times by professionals. You have a condition which causes your feelings of rejection to be magnified and over-amplified (RSD) and you have a condition that causes you to catastrophize (ASD/ADHD). Take an intellectual step back and see what is the simplest explanation.

 

[NB79]

If your conscience doesn't accuse you of being a bad person, don't bother with the haters, there is ugly people everywhere (i mean ugly in the heart) if you try to please them all you loose.

 

[vergil96]

But I've found that whenever I discussed politics in my time on the internet, it's usually been anxiety-related or has triggered anxiety or has affected my life in some way. Not because I want to stir up arguments or upset people. I wish they would understand that.

It always happens with politics. Both online and IRL it's an inflammatory topic better to avoid.

Some people online are also quick to judge your mental health. I have also experienced that, they go on how you have xyz mental health condition and therefore are an awful person or can't judge abc and invalidate your point though ad personam. They're wrong, because only a professional can judge someone's mental health, they don't know and can't know your inner workings.

 

[thejuice]

I think I found it:

"If one person calls you a jackass, ignore him. If two people call you a jackass, think about it. If three people call you a jackass, buy yourself a saddle."

Someone online said something like that to me once, and it made me panic that they're right.

Quite a frivolous, bullying remark in my opinion, it doesn't take into account the echo chamber and mob effect.

"The opinion of 10000 men is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject"

 

[thejuice]

I think what gets me is I noticed on autism sites that people are quick to get offended by stuff I post, yet others can post even worse offensive things and nobody gets offended, instead they support them. And usually their posts are much more blunt, while mine are usually more thought out and carefully explained as not to hurt other people. Sometimes people even find hidden meanings in my posts that aren't even there or even hinted, and then readily jump to the conclusions of me being an insensitive jerk, while I'm sitting there re-reading my posts thinking "but what did I say that was so wrong?" This only happens online, around Aspies.
Frustratingly this contradicts my empathetic skills that I have, but I don't lack empathy.

Being treated differently makes me really anxious for some reason. I get into a bit of a frenzy and can't rest until I have answers or see someone else being treated the same as me. Being treated differently causes paranoia for me because I feel like I'm never a favourite of authority figures or like I don't belong.

you can get away with stuff if you're popular. I say this as an unpopular person, I see being popular as social slavery but it has it's perks. Getting to the point of being popular requires you to compromise who you are and I'm not willing to do it.

Being treated differently is scary, to the stone age brain that prioritises survival. Freedom of thought comes a distant second place to that.

 

[Misty Avich]

you can get away with stuff if you're popular.

I know that. But because I'm much louder online I thought I'd be more popular but it isn't to be. The popular types in the autism community seem to be those that are more intelligent, or who come from an abusive family or have been diagnosed in adulthood. Maybe people get jealous of me. I don't like jealousy being an excuse to not like someone though. I'm quite a jealous person and I envy a lot of people but I still love them because if I went around hating everyone I'm jealous of then I'd have no friends at all.

 

[Misty Avich]

Quite a frivolous, bullying remark in my opinion, it doesn't take into account the echo chamber and mob effect.

"The opinion of 10000 men is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject"

I guess so. I mean, all they saw in my posts was intentional hate and maliciousness, when what I was really doing was just parroting my thoughts, feelings and ideas about certain political matters.
Like I said, I don't do well with written rules or change, and law and politics are often about written rules and change, and some of those can make me feel anxious. So I was just expressing anxiety, not hate against anyone. They twisted things and put words in my mouth. And here I am forever regretting what I'd posted there in the past. Really, really regretting it.

Or maybe I just wasn't on their wavelength. Still no reason for them to call me a bully though.

 

[Jonn]

So I was just expressing anxiety, not hate against anyone. They twisted things and put words in my mouth.

Misunderstandings are a major problem on the internet.
I don't understand why it is so hard to clarify the intent of the other person first.
The problem here seems to be, the misrepresentation is intentional.

 

[Misty Avich]

I think I'm just going through an emotional crisis right now where I'm terrified of failure and I do feel like I have failed people. I failed my mum, I fail at work, and I failed some of my friends. I think it's caused by stupidity on my part but nobody will admit that, they rather just call me lack of empathy but I actually prefer to be called stupid than a psychopath.

 

[Misty Avich]

One time I offended people by trying to be positive about autism! That's where I can't win.

It's what the problem is these days, that people become offended very easily on the internet and then brand you with all these derogatory names and are allowed to shame you. That's what I really don't agree with.
Yes, I am sensitive too, but only to personal attacks or criticism from others directed at me. Otherwise, people should be allowed to express general statements and their own opinions on things or if they're only talking about themselves then others shouldn't make it about them and say "how dare you say that? I'm offended!"

Yes I understand we all have triggers, and it's okay to point that out to people and correct them in a civil manner. That's fine. But when people decide to get offended and call you names for it and then hate you or start bullying you, it doesn't do anyone any good and it's what is wrong with the internet today.

Lastly, I come from Essex, UK. Usually people in my area tend to very commonly use words like "it" and "that" to explain things and we just get what we mean. But when you use too many of those words online it's inevitable that people are going to misinterpret it. I didn't really think about that before when I was happily tapping away on my phone keyboard. It's like the words just come rushing out (from my fingers) and I'm too keen to get it posted out there without thinking first.

I hope someone reads this post because I think I made a really good point there.

 

[thejuice]

I agree with that. Sticking to places that doesn't allow mobbing is my only strategy really.

 

[thejuice]

I guess it helps to remember with the internet theres a much wider audience than IRL. We are talking to strangers really so it's more likely to offend someone. Offense doesn't equal right though. Perhaps you're the truth teller they don't want to hear.

 

[thejuice]

There are some places that just have a rotten culture and it's better to resign yourself to it and discard it, rather than try in vain to make them see the error of their ways. The cruelty is the point.

 

[Misty Avich]

I guess it helps to remember with the internet theres a much wider audience than IRL. We are talking to strangers really so it's more likely to offend someone. Offense doesn't equal right though. Perhaps you're the truth teller they don't want to hear.

You're right. It's probably why I hardly ever get flack from people on Facebook - except when strangers see my posts (when I post a comment on a public post, otherwise my timeline posts are set to friends only). See, strangers again. In my life I've actually had more grief from strangers than from people I know. When I was at high school I received more bullying by kids I didn't know, usually in public when walking home from school.

When I first had access to the internet at home, the first thing I searched on Google was autism, because despite being diagnosed in childhood (unlike everyone else with autism) I still knew very little about it. So that's how I ended up on the other site, so badly wanting to find out more about autism and chat to others with it, because growing up with an NT family and mainstream school, I hadn't really met anyone with Asperger's syndrome and I felt I was the only one with it.

I thought that by being loud and talkative online to strangers it might help with my social anxiety around strangers, but being overly talkative online has just become more of a habit or addiction and it's hard to just stop. It's the nice people online that keeps me going, but the callous ones that make me doubt myself.

It's very easy to doubt yourself when several people have accused you of such bad things that you never thought you were before. I've never bullied anyone in my life, I think the last time I was even close to bullying someone was when I was 4 years old at school whenever the teacher said one of my classmate's name because it was a funny name, I'd point at him and say his name loudly and laugh. But I was just a 4-year-old acting like a 4-year-old, and I grew out of it.
But even that I feel guilty about to this day, some 30 years later. That is probably the only bullying I ever done in my life.

I wonder if any of the people who bullied me in my life are sitting there worrying and feeling guilty about my feelings? Most likely not. But they still have empathy because they're NTs.

 

[Jonn]

I actually prefer to be called stupid than a psychopath.

Comedic humour inside:

Spoiler

Hello Stupid...

 

[Jonn]

One time I offended people by trying to be positive about autism! That's where I can't win.

Comedic humour inside:

Spoiler

According to the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy:
"People on the spectrum are mostly harmless."

It's what the problem is these days, that people become offended very easily on the internet and then brand you with all these derogatory names and are allowed to shame you.

That depends largely on the culture of the forum involved.

Yes I understand we all have triggers, and it's okay to point that out to people and correct them in a civil manner. That's fine. But when people decide to get offended and call you names for it and then hate you or start bullying you, it doesn't do anyone any good and it's what is wrong with the internet today.

Firstly, who doesn't have triggers?

The problem seems to be that the internet encourages infantile schoolyard behaviour.
It is "flabbergasting".
I quite like that word.

 

[Jonn]

It's like the words just come rushing out (from my fingers) and I'm too keen to get it posted out there without thinking first.

Comedic humour inside:

Spoiler

Don't make me victim-blame you here. You know I will.

For me, caffeine disengages rational thinking and encourages emotional non-thinking.
I try to maintain the habit of taking a breath and reviewing what I have written before I hit the "Post reply" button.

If posting in anger (which I rarely ever do), I usually make a decaf coffee first to settle down and reread before I post.