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How to tell someone off when they comment your behaviour?

vergil96

vergil96

Well-Known Member
How does one deal with an autistic person who claims that you're bad meaning if you don't make eye contact with them? Or anyone like that for that matter? It's a personal attack, I don't care what he's been through, he's attacking me now because of it and it's not okay. How do I tell such a person to stop? It's rude. That's collective bullying at this point, various people commenting my behaviour. I'm becoming anxious because of this, overly worried about presumed harm I have caused or presumed negative impressions I have made.

How do I tell people off so that they stop commenting my behaviour all the time? I feel like I'm letting them walk all over me, like I'm enabling that, but I don't know how I'm supposed to respond, what to say. All I can do is pretend to ignore or over explain myself, which invites invasive "advice" how I can "fix myself" when I explain where I'm coming from and why they're wrong.
 
vergil96 said:
How does one deal with an autistic person who claims that you're bad meaning if you don't make eye contact with them?
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Give them a lecture on the psychological consequences of "Stockholm Syndrome". ;)

I may have been taught by my parents to look people in the eye to prevent a perception of dishonesty. However among my own kind, we all should know it is merely perception and little else.

Just because I'm willing to pacify a majority of humanoids doesn't change my understanding and acceptance of my own neurology.
 
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jsilver256 said:
Wait, an autistic person is telling you that you should be making eye contact? I'm confused...
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Yeah, he makes too much eye contact, perhaps he's been taught not making eye contact means all sorts of negative things, perhaps he just likes the look of faces, who knows? Someone else I know who is quite probably autistic doesn't make much eye contact herself but she keeps on accusing me of having a hostile facial expression or being hostile, because I have a variation of default slightly angry look, because I frown or something of that sort. I mean, completely normal phenomenon, many people look angry when they're just busy or tired. But she's taking it too personally in my case.
 
Why this lady is allowing your face expressions to affect her is beyond normal. I guess you don't mask. You are just yourself. I don't like to constantly smile, it's irritating, but l do smile (mask) when l work positions involving the public. Maybe tell her: " l am sorry you see me as hostile, maybe your perception is different then what others think." Maybe she feels a lot of hostility and she just looped you to her general feelings. You can't really help her, you can only guide her to change her thinking patterns Maybe. Maybe ask if she is just having a bad day? Confirm that your day is going swimmingly well, and you couldn't be happier.
 
vergil96 said:
How do I tell people off so that they stop commenting my behaviour all the time? I feel like I'm letting them walk all over me, like I'm enabling that, but I don't know how I'm supposed to respond, what to say. All I can do is pretend to ignore or over explain myself, which invites invasive "advice" how I can "fix myself" when I explain where I'm coming from and why they're wrong.
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I usually throw things like that straight back in their faces. "You're the one complaining, I don't have a problem.".

I was in the pub one night and a woman started complaining about my hair and telling me that all that hair went out of style back in the 80s. I burst out laughing. She got really confused and asked me what was so funny. "You're whingeing to the only bloke in the room that doesn't have to look at it.". :D
 
What about something like:

1. If it were easier to do, I'd do it.
2. I don't mean anything bad if I don't look at you. If you still think so, then it's your problem.
3. I don't like your face so I prefer to look somewhere else.

Maybe not 3) unless you want to lose that person...
 
Outdated said:
I usually throw things like that straight back in their faces. "You're the one complaining, I don't have a problem.".

I was in the pub one night and a woman started complaining about my hair and telling me that all that hair went out of style back in the 80s. I burst out laughing. She got really confused and asked me what was so funny. "You're whingeing to the only bloke in the room that doesn't have to look at it.". :D
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I had a colleague who worked as a sign language interpreter in college. He had a then-trendy hairstyle at the time, so he got a "name sign" after that hairstyle.

He is an executive, he has long been clean-trimmed and wearing business suits. But he's still stuck with the sign name of "Mullet."
 
Outdated said:
I usually throw things like that straight back in their faces. "You're the one complaining, I don't have a problem.".

I was in the pub one night and a woman started complaining about my hair and telling me that all that hair went out of style back in the 80s. I burst out laughing. She got really confused and asked me what was so funny. "You're whingeing to the only bloke in the room that doesn't have to look at it.". :D
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Before my stroke women would comment on my hair all I did was just let it grow had a natural long wave length, they liked.
 
Having just gone through a stressful time during which I watched a lot of videos to keep my mind from veering off into yukky places, I am amazed at how often presumably NT people do not answer direct questions. Here are some of the examples I have observed.

Person 1: nasty or insinuating comment
Person 2: Asks a question about the previous topic, as if Person 1 did not say anything.

Person 1: Same
Person 2: Says "just a minute, I'll be right back" and then does not go back.

I'm sure there are more. And I don't know if NTs on TV react differently in real life, but it has opened up to me a whole new world about social communication.

I have always thought that I must answer directly and truthfully to any question asked. This is probably suicide in the NT world.
 
WhitewaterWoman said:
Having just gone through a stressful time during which I watched a lot of videos to keep my mind from veering off into yukky places, I am amazed at how often presumably NT people do not answer direct questions. Here are some of the examples I have observed.

Person 1: nasty or insinuating comment
Person 2: Asks a question about the previous topic, as if Person 1 did not say anything.

Person 1: Same
Person 2: Says "just a minute, I'll be right back" and then does not go back.

I'm sure there are more. And I don't know if NTs on TV react differently in real life, but it has opened up to me a whole new world about social communication.

I have always thought that I must answer directly and truthfully to any question asked. This is probably suicide in the NT world.
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It's amazing how much they lie, read between the lines, come to incorrect conclusions and then comment in my case how do you understand what is really going on, what do you know that we don't. Must be some sort of genius. The one thing that irritates me is how many believe in conspiracy theories.
 
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vergil96 said:
many people look angry when they're just busy or tired.
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I do...
My "thinking face" looks angry.
BTW, I think all the time, well, I used to.
I am learning to tone that down and just focus on what is around me these days.
My focus has improved markedly as a result.
I recommend it. :cool:
 
marc_101 said:
What about something like:

1. If it were easier to do, I'd do it.
2. I don't mean anything bad if I don't look at you. If you still think so, then it's your problem.
3. I don't like your face so I prefer to look somewhere else.

Maybe not 3) unless you want to lose that person...
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I might say:
"OK. I find your reaction "interesting".
Then I would move on...:cool:
 
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