Could use some advice on life living.

[Wolfnox]

So I’m currently working on my on-going goals for life. Most important thing is to remain low stress as I cannot easily decompress or let go of it. With that as a goal I have been looking critically at some aspects of life that I probably will not do. Namely no romantic relationships with women as I have personal experience through others that were no end of drama and yelling and stress. I don’t mind hearing your views on either this is a bad idea or not and why.

 

[Tired]

No one can really give you advices on how you should live your life and with whom. It's strange to just say "I'll never have a woman, change my mind", like you're yourself not sure in this your saying and feeling. Just give yourself time, focus on other things, if in the meantime some nice woman appears in your life - don't push her away, because you expect the worse. And if she won't appear - learn to enjoy your life and things you have and do in it without others.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Wolfnox

Stress is very bad for both physical and mental health, so your strategic goal is good.

The other is more nuanced. I'd go with "not wrong" rather than "100% correct

The why (in a TDLR form):
1. A good life partnership (a genuine (permanent) marriage, kids, etc) is great, but rare
2. The "barriers to entry" to these in 2024 are extremely high. Be very very careful.
3. Don't get into a situation that can destroy your personal economy. So check local laws very carefully. In many places that means never allow a "potential romantic partner" into your home, even a rented dwelling.
4. In 2025 and on, the world will want children, but not equality. My guess is that the worst of the early 21st century will fade, but slowly.

So in your situation my plan would be "wait 5 years, then check again". Waiting out the 2020s cautiously isn't "MGTOW". It's rational.
But rare isn't impossible, and the current unfair contracts might change. Be flexible, but careful.

 

[Outdated]

Namely no romantic relationships with women as I have personal experience through others that were no end of drama and yelling and stress.

My sister hassled me once about always being single. I told her that when it comes to women I think I'm better off with a picture of one. She laughed then said "But surely you get lonely sometimes." and I replied "Of course I do, but that beats the hell out of being tormented.".

That said, I have had a few very happy relationships that lasted for quite a few years, but as @Hypnalis mentioned, they're rare. There were even a few times where I think a relationship could have worked but life circumstances got in the way so it just never happened.

 

[Wolfnox]

@Wolfnox

Stress is very bad for both physical and mental health, so your strategic goal is good.

The other is more nuanced. I'd go with "not wrong" rather than "100% correct

The why (in a TDLR form):
1. A good life partnership (a genuine (permanent) marriage, kids, etc) is great, but rare
2. The "barriers to entry" to these in 2024 are extremely high. Be very very careful.
3. Don't get into a situation that can destroy your personal economy. So check local laws very carefully. In many places that means never allow a "potential romantic partner" into your home, even a rented dwelling.
4. In 2025 and on, the world will want children, but not equality. My guess is that the worst of the early 21st century will fade, but slowly.

So in your situation my plan would be "wait 5 years, then check again". Waiting out the 2020s cautiously isn't "MGTOW". It's rational.
But rare isn't impossible, and the current unfair contracts might change. Be flexible, but careful.

Yeah that’s my feeling of it too.

 

[Jonn]

So I’m currently working on my on-going goals for life. Most important thing is to remain low stress as I cannot easily decompress or let go of it.

My entire life revolves around maintaining my emotional equilibrium, and I mean that seriously.
We are on the same page.

With that as a goal I have been looking critically at some aspects of life that I probably will not do. Namely no romantic relationships with women as I have personal experience through others that were no end of drama and yelling and stress.

Relationships require compromises, and with that often comes arguments.
I am not sure there is such a thing as a drama-free significant other relationship.

 

[Aspychata]

I try to learn from my past relationships. I try to see where l didn't keep my boundaries in place. Can you think back in your past signs you ignored, or boundaries that weren't kept in those prior relationships?

 

[Rodafina]

Namely no romantic relationships with women as I have personal experience through others that were no end of drama and yelling and stress.

I think this is valuable information and it would be important to recognize if these patterns begin again in any relationship. However, your past experiences do not have to determine what will happen in the future.

I think it's perfectly fine to put your focus elsewhere for awhile and determining clear goals is very useful. If a romantic relationship is something that you actually do want one day, then you can always break that down into much smaller goals for the immediate future. Some of the preliminary goals of finding a romantic relationship are working on your own self confidence, learning about healthy boundaries, and improving your communication skills. I think it's a great idea to remain focused on your goal of having low stress in your life, whatever that looks like.

 

[Wolfnox]

I try to learn from my past relationships. I try to see where l didn't keep my boundaries in place. Can you think back in your past signs you ignored, or boundaries that weren't kept in those prior relationships?

It was not my relationship personally but, those around me. I saw and studied the different behaviors and triggers. There was never peace in those relationships.

 

[Hypnalis]

Not sure of you want to continue into the "how" of this kind of lifestyle, but I have a starter suggestion:

First, accept 100% that you don't want to interact with people solely on the chance that they might become romantic partners if you work at it. That doesn't mean "avoid people" of course - it means only interact if there's a shared interest, or you're friends, or perhaps it's just someone you bump into.

The point is that you avoid any pressure to do anything other than what you're together for. Which makes interactions much simpler.

You don't have to be responsible for making conversation. You don't have to be entertaining, or clever, or list any personal characteristics that would make you a good life-partner. You don't have to consider being stuck with the bill. You don't pay for the other person's Uber home. You suggest the restaurant you want, and refuse suggestions that don't appeal to you. Nobody will performatively order a salad, then try to steal your food /lol.

If the other person indicates that they have other expectations (like you paying for things), disengage. Such things are part of the "dark side" of the mating game. But on your (potential) this path, "red flags" are irrelevant to you. They're for avoiding a "relationship downside" which you're immune to.

So if you find there are mismatched wants and needs (such as those expectations), just politely, with zero drama, disengage at a suitable moment.

Simple

I haven't found it drives away good people (though my life situation is probably nothing like yours). But I doubt you'd miss any opportunities to meet truly compatible people.

 

[Wolfnox]

Not sure of you want to continue into the "how" of this kind of lifestyle, but I have a starter suggestion:

First, accept 100% that you don't want to interact with people solely on the chance that they might become romantic partners if you work at it. That doesn't mean "avoid people" of course - it means only interact if there's a shared interest, or you're friends, or perhaps it's just someone you bump into.

The point is that you avoid any pressure to do anything other than what you're together for. Which makes interactions much simpler.

You don't have to be responsible for making conversation. You don't have to be entertaining, or clever, or list any personal characteristics that would make you a good life-partner. You don't have to consider being stuck with the bill. You don't pay for the other person's Uber home. You suggest the restaurant you want, and refuse suggestions that don't appeal to you. Nobody will performatively order a salad, then try to steal your food /lol.

If the other person indicates that they have other expectations (like you paying for things), disengage. Such things are part of the "dark side" of the mating game. But on your (potential) this path, "red flags" are irrelevant to you. They're for avoiding a "relationship downside" which you're immune to.

So if you find there are mismatched wants and needs (such as those expectations), just politely, with zero drama, disengage at a suitable moment.

Simple

I haven't found it drives away good people (though my life situation is probably nothing like yours). But I doubt you'd miss any opportunities to meet truly compatible people.

Interesting ideas.