Ivi
New Member
Hi, I try to make this as short as possible, I have a bad habit of writing overly long messages in general, probably this time again.
My question to other people here on the spectrum is, that do you have a specific (maybe very rigid) type/style of communicating when trying to find new friendships online?
I definitely do, and that is a BIG reason for my loneliness and isolation. I have tried every possible "more modern" communication styles that suit other people better, and I've tried them multiple times, just to end up noticing that they aren't natural to me, or they cut my train of thought when I'm focusing on something else, or are otherwise impossible to me for some reason.
My only successful way in making online friendships (at least at first online, if later offline) has been that I want to start writing in the "penpal" style but with email. I write with my laptop only, and keep my phone away from me most of the time. I also only like phone calls very rarely, and with people I'm very very interested in, and whom I've got to know a bit more beforehand. Sometimes phone calls, even the "facetime" calls have been fun, but kind of a rare occasion.
I have also tried to go back to the traditional penpal letter writing that I used to do as a teenager and young adult before I got the internet, but I also noticed that I've gotten too impatient to handwrite anymore, I do it too slowly compared to writing emails. (The reason I've tried this too again is that it's still a hobby for some people, unlike emailing, so there are people who love writing postal letters.)
I also like to write/answer in my own space and not to hurry in communicating with people. It's difficult for me to communicate fast, without thinking first of what to write or sometimes what to speak (or more like how to answer). Depending on the situation, if it's a challenging conversation, I might shutdown completely. And only later have my answer ready and thought out.
So I've tried the instant messaging on social media, mostly FB and later on WhatsApp. This is because most people nowadays communicate via short texts, that's the easiest way to try to find friends. But I'm unable to do that in the long run, because I simply tend to forget to answer short messages that don't have much content to latch on. (And I'm the opposite of a phone addict.) So it's definitely not the lack of trying, quite the opposite, I've worn myself out by trying to be how we are supposed to be nowadays.
People I've been emailing with usually tell me after a while that they don't want to continue emailing (it's exhausting to most people to write long mails), they want to start communicating via texts or calls etc. on the phone and leave the mailing ("penpaling") part completely out. For me at that point the relationship is usually dying, because it starts to lack the nerdy or insightful content and the exchange of deeper thoughts, or just anything to move forward with (as in: getting to know more of each other's thoughts). Most email penpals won't last long, and I admit that when I've had too many of them, I've also felt too worn out, even if we'd both reply after a week or later.
I have tried different platforms to look for email penpals, but most of them say they don't want to write more than instant messages. I also understand that many people aren't into writing like I am. It's not the modern day. The modern day is the phone and apps, and the social media platforms with short texting instantly, maybe phone calls sometimes too. It's mostly based on small talk, and some people apparently can form full friendships like that (?). I go way too deep when I try to get to know people. I want to know so much about them and always wish they would tell me about their thoughts more and more (no matter what their thoughts are, they interest me more than the small talk ).
Does anyone else have some strange or rigid style of getting to know new people? How about others having similar feelings towards phones as I do? Or feeling unable to keep emotionally satisfying friendships via texts and small talk only?
My question to other people here on the spectrum is, that do you have a specific (maybe very rigid) type/style of communicating when trying to find new friendships online?
I definitely do, and that is a BIG reason for my loneliness and isolation. I have tried every possible "more modern" communication styles that suit other people better, and I've tried them multiple times, just to end up noticing that they aren't natural to me, or they cut my train of thought when I'm focusing on something else, or are otherwise impossible to me for some reason.
My only successful way in making online friendships (at least at first online, if later offline) has been that I want to start writing in the "penpal" style but with email. I write with my laptop only, and keep my phone away from me most of the time. I also only like phone calls very rarely, and with people I'm very very interested in, and whom I've got to know a bit more beforehand. Sometimes phone calls, even the "facetime" calls have been fun, but kind of a rare occasion.
I have also tried to go back to the traditional penpal letter writing that I used to do as a teenager and young adult before I got the internet, but I also noticed that I've gotten too impatient to handwrite anymore, I do it too slowly compared to writing emails. (The reason I've tried this too again is that it's still a hobby for some people, unlike emailing, so there are people who love writing postal letters.)
I also like to write/answer in my own space and not to hurry in communicating with people. It's difficult for me to communicate fast, without thinking first of what to write or sometimes what to speak (or more like how to answer). Depending on the situation, if it's a challenging conversation, I might shutdown completely. And only later have my answer ready and thought out.
So I've tried the instant messaging on social media, mostly FB and later on WhatsApp. This is because most people nowadays communicate via short texts, that's the easiest way to try to find friends. But I'm unable to do that in the long run, because I simply tend to forget to answer short messages that don't have much content to latch on. (And I'm the opposite of a phone addict.) So it's definitely not the lack of trying, quite the opposite, I've worn myself out by trying to be how we are supposed to be nowadays.
People I've been emailing with usually tell me after a while that they don't want to continue emailing (it's exhausting to most people to write long mails), they want to start communicating via texts or calls etc. on the phone and leave the mailing ("penpaling") part completely out. For me at that point the relationship is usually dying, because it starts to lack the nerdy or insightful content and the exchange of deeper thoughts, or just anything to move forward with (as in: getting to know more of each other's thoughts). Most email penpals won't last long, and I admit that when I've had too many of them, I've also felt too worn out, even if we'd both reply after a week or later.
I have tried different platforms to look for email penpals, but most of them say they don't want to write more than instant messages. I also understand that many people aren't into writing like I am. It's not the modern day. The modern day is the phone and apps, and the social media platforms with short texting instantly, maybe phone calls sometimes too. It's mostly based on small talk, and some people apparently can form full friendships like that (?). I go way too deep when I try to get to know people. I want to know so much about them and always wish they would tell me about their thoughts more and more (no matter what their thoughts are, they interest me more than the small talk ).
Does anyone else have some strange or rigid style of getting to know new people? How about others having similar feelings towards phones as I do? Or feeling unable to keep emotionally satisfying friendships via texts and small talk only?